I Didn’t Always Love Myself — Maybe You Haven’t Either
There were days I would stare into the mirror and all I could see were the things I wanted to change.
Dark circles. Unwanted weight. Scars—both visible and invisible. And then came that inner voice:
“You’re not enough.”
Sound familiar?
Maybe you’ve been there too. Or maybe you’re there right now—smiling for the world while silently breaking on the inside. That’s exactly where the journey of The Art of Self Love begins. Because the truth is, self love isn’t about perfection.
It’s about learning to accept yourself in your rawest, realest, most human form—messy, flawed, emotional, but still worthy. Let me walk with you through this.
Not as a guru. Not as a therapist.
But as someone who’s been broken, questioned their worth, and is still learning to choose themselves every single day.
What Is Self Love, Really?
Let’s cut through the noise.
Self love isn’t just about bubble baths, candles, or a weekend getaway (though those are great).
It’s something much deeper. Much quieter. And way more powerful.
Self Love Is:
-
Acceptance — choosing yourself even when no one else does
-
Understanding — knowing your pain and not running from it
-
Validation — not needing applause to show up as your full self
Self love is the decision to say:
“Even if the world doesn’t clap, I will still rise. I will still try. I will still love myself.”
It is the ability to hold space for your own struggles without judgment.
To whisper, “I may not have it all figured out, but I am still worthy of love—especially my own.”
Why Is Self Love So Difficult?
Because no one ever really taught us how to love ourselves.
Instead, we learned to:
-
Compare ourselves with others
-
Chase approval
-
Keep people happy, even at our own expense
-
Apologize for our flaws
-
Criticize ourselves first—before someone else could
And the moment we try to choose ourselves?
We feel guilty.
We’re told it’s selfish.
We confuse it with arrogance.
But here’s the hard truth:
The world mirrors how you treat yourself.
If you constantly put yourself last, others will do the same.
My Wake-Up Call
I didn’t choose self love because it sounded nice.
I chose it because I was falling apart.
I remember one night—scrolling through social media, watching everyone’s highlight reels while I sat there feeling invisible in my own life.
It hit me like a wave: “What if I started treating myself like someone I truly love?”
That single question changed everything.
The Layers of Self Love
Self love is not a one-time decision. It’s a daily practice.
A layered, lifelong process that evolves as you do.
Let’s break it down:
1. Self-Awareness: Know Thyself
Before you can love yourself, you have to understand yourself.
Ask yourself:
-
What brings me joy?
-
What triggers me?
-
What am I tolerating that’s draining me?
Start journaling. Reflect often.
Because awareness is the first step to healing.
2. Self-Acceptance: Embrace the Imperfect You
You don’t have to be “healed” to be lovable.
You are allowed to be flawed and still be enough.
That includes:
-
Accepting your past
-
Forgiving yourself
-
Letting your scars be seen
I used to think my sensitivity was my weakness.
Now I know it’s my superpower.
Sometimes, the parts of you that others misunderstood are the parts that make you most powerful.
3. Self-Compassion: Be Kind to You
Would you ever call a hurting friend “a failure”?
No, right?
Then stop speaking to yourself that way.
Start saying:
-
“It’s okay. I’m learning.”
-
“I’m growing.”
-
“I’m doing the best I can.”
Because you are.
4. Setting Boundaries: Saying ‘No’ Without Guilt
Every time you say yes to something that drains you, you say no to yourself.
Self love sometimes sounds like:
-
“I need rest. I’ll pass.”
-
“I’m not ready to talk right now.”
-
“That doesn’t feel safe for me.”
Setting boundaries isn’t rude.
It’s self-respect.
People who love you will honor your boundaries—not resent them.
5. Me-Time: Not Luxury, But Necessity
You don’t need to earn rest.
You don’t have to hit rock bottom before taking a break.
-
Read without guilt
-
Walk alone in silence
-
Do nothing for a while
Stillness is not laziness. It’s restoration.
SELF LOVE MASTERY
First become alone.
First start enjoying yourself.
First love yourself.
First become so authentically happy
that if nobody comes it doesn’t matter;
you are full, overflowing.
If nobody knocks at your door
it is perfectly okay —YOU are not missing.
You are… pic.twitter.com/iptOEziziS
— 🧬Maxpein🧬 (@maximumpain333) February 9, 2025
6. Rewriting the Inner Narrative
Your inner dialogue shapes your entire life.
If you’re always saying:
-
“I’m not good enough”
-
“I always mess up”
-
“Nobody really sees me”
That becomes your reality.
Challenge that voice.
Replace it with:
-
“I am enough.”
-
“I’m allowed to grow.”
-
“I choose myself—again and again.”
Overthinking slowly kills self-trust. If you often find yourself spiraling in relationships, this guide might help —How to Stop Overthinking in a Relationship
The Truth: Self Love Isn’t a Destination
There’s no final place where you become perfectly self-loving.
Some days you’ll slide back into old patterns.
Some days you’ll feel triggered again.
That’s okay.
This is a journey—not a race.
Every time you choose your peace over people-pleasing…
Every time you say no to guilt and yes to grace…
You strengthen your self love muscle.
A Personal Story: When I Didn’t Choose Me
There was a time I held onto a friendship that was hurting me.
I kept giving, hoping they’d change. I ignored the exhaustion.
But I was slowly disappearing.
When I finally walked away—it wasn’t out of anger.
It was out of love.
Love for myself.
That’s when I understood:
Sometimes, self love means letting go.
Even if it disappoints others.
Because your peace matters more than their expectations.
Self Love Can Look Messy
It’s not always graceful.
It’s:
-
Crying because you walked away from toxic love
-
Choosing solitude instead of being half-loved
-
Sitting with your feelings when no one understands
And in those quiet, lonely spaces—you grow.
Growth isn’t always pretty.
But it is always worth it.
The Science Behind Self Love
This isn’t just emotional talk—there’s real research behind it.
Studies show self love can:
-
Lower cortisol (stress hormone)
-
Improve resilience
-
Reduce anxiety and depression
-
Boost self-esteem and emotional regulation
When you practice self compassion, your brain releases more oxytocin and serotonin—the chemicals responsible for calm and happiness.
So yes, self love literally rewires your brain for peace.
Some days, faith is your calm. These powerful verses have helped many quiet the chaos —7 Anxiety-Calming Scriptures
What Self Love Is NOT
To clarify, self love doesn’t mean:
-
Being arrogant
-
Ignoring feedback
-
Avoiding growth
-
Blaming others for everything
Real self love is humble.
It says, “I love myself enough to grow, but I don’t hate who I am today.”
A Gentle Practice for You
If you’ve come this far, take a moment.
Close your eyes.
Place your hand on your heart.
And whisper:
“I am safe. I am enough. I deserve my own love.”
Say it again tomorrow.
And the next day.
Until it stops sounding strange—and starts feeling true.
Final Thoughts — You Deserve Your Own Love
Self love is not a trend or a hashtag.
It’s a quiet revolution.
A journey back to yourself.
You don’t have to be perfect.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
You just have to show up for yourself—consistently, gently, honestly.
So, I’ll ask you now—
What’s one small thing you can do today to love yourself a little more?
Tell me.
Comment below.
Let’s grow through this—together.
